But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
