I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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