Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
