Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
