Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
