you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
