Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
