Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
