I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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