i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
