Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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