real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
