i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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