I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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