I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
