you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
