so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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