I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
