you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
