He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
