just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
