bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
