We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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