Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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