we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
