i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
