we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm both gender and math confused
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
