did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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