Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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