So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
