she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
