Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
