I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
