You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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