when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
