During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He passed out mid-signature
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
