Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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