woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
