Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
