I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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