Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
