so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
