so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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