Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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