So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
