U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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