why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
