This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
