did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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