next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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