the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
