Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
