I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I just sharted jello shots
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
